Relationships: Vertical & Horizontal, Diving & Human

When I was the pastor of our congregation several years ago, I designed the above three-pronged diagram as a visual aid to show the primary reasons our congregation exists.

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love our fellow man. We love God by worshipping and obeying Him. We love our fellow man by

edifying him if he’s saved and evangelizing him if he’s lost. When we assemble together on the Sabbath, the things we do together as a congregation should somehow relate to our congregation’s threefold purpose.

Our Vertical Relationship with God

Before we can edify the saints and evangelize the lost in our horizontal relationships, we must first establish our vertical relationship with God. We must admit that we are guilty of sin and need God’s forgiveness. We must accept the suffering and death of Yeshua (Jesus) as payment for the penalty that we deserve for our sins. We must repent and turn away from our sins, and trust the Lord to forgive us and give us eternal life.

When our vertical relationship with God is established, we begin a brand new life as a newborn babe in Christ. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17).

As newborn babes in Messiah, we start our new life with a clean slate, like Adam in the Garden of Eden. In Genesis, the new creature called Adam was put in the garden “to dress it and to keep it” (Gen. 2:15). To “dress it” means to cultivate it and care for it. To “keep it” means to guard and protect it.

As a new creature in Messiah, we are given the same responsibility in a spiritual sense. We are to cultivate and care for our personal relationship with God, and we are to guard and protect that relationship. It is our “Garden of Eden.” In this garden, we are to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Gal. 5:22f). We are to carefully guard and protect our personal relationship with God, because it is the most precious thing we have.

The means by which we dress and keep our personal relationship with God is primarily through consistent, habitual prayer and Bible study. If we are in the Word of God and in prayer on a regular basis, we are less likely to be caught off guard when the Enemy tries to harm us by a sneak attack. If spiritual danger is approaching, the Lord can alert us, either through something we read in the Scriptures, or through an intuitive word of knowledge that we receive from the Spirit during prayer. If we need to make some changes to increase our harvest of fruit, the Lord can let us know what to do, either by showing us something in the Scriptures, or by speaking to us by His Spirit while we pray.

Our personal relationship with God is the most important relationship we have, and we need to start there. However, our walk with the Lord does not end there. Our walk with the Lord is a walk together with brothers and sisters.

Our Horizontal Relationships with Men

Many of the Bible’s instructions deal with human relationships and our treatment of other people. Therefore many of God’s commandments cannot be obeyed without having human relationships. Even instructions that do not specifically mention human relationships quite often require human relationships. For example, instructions about how to worship as a community obviously require a community. You cannot worship in a community setting without a community. And if you are truly in a true community, you will have relationships with people.

The biblical norm for a follower of Yeshua is not an isolated life; it is life in a community, where individuals have relationships with other individuals. Peter says we are living stones being built together into a spiritual house (1 Pet. 2:5). Paul says the same thing when he says we are being “built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Yeshua Messiah Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto a holy temple in the Lord, in whom ye also are builded together for a habitation of God through the Spirit” (Eph. 2:20ff).

Unless we are together, we cannot grow together into a holy temple of living stones for the habitation of God. Without human relationships, God’s temple of living stones will not be built. If a living stone is not connected to other living stones, it is of very little use. Maybe it can be used as a doorstop or a paperweight, but God does not need hundreds and thousands of doorstops and paperweights. He needs living stones to get connected to other living stones in human relationships. That is the only way that the temple of living stones can be built as a dwelling place for God’s glorious presence.

The Importance of Fellowship

Regular fellowship with other believers is the biblical norm for followers of Yeshua. The Apostles did not declare the gospel just so we could be rescued from hell; they also declared the gospel so we could have fellowship, as it is written, “That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Yeshua Messiah. And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full” (1 John 1:3f).

Your joy will not be full if you do not regularly have fellowship with other believers. You cannot rightfully claim to be walking in the light and in fellowship with the Lord unless you are also having fellowship with other believers. I say that because of what John wrote: “If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another” (1 John 1:6f).

Your walk with the Lord starts with your personal relationship with the Lord, but it does not end there. If you are truly walking with the Lord, He will eventually lead you to a body of believers with whom you can have fellowship.

The biblical norm for followers of Yeshua is regular fellowship in a local body of belivers. There are many instructions in the Epistles concerning things like elders, deacons, apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers, church government, church order, church leadership, church discipline, etc. All these instructions presuppose the existence of local congregations governed by leaders.

Some Important Presupposition

Romans chapter 12 talks about members of the body having various gifts, and 1 Corinthians chapters 12 and 14 give instructions about the proper use of those gifts in the local body. This presupposes that the possessors of these gifts will be in a body of believers.

1 Corinthians chapter 11 gives instructions about the woman’s head covering and about the Lord’s Supper. This presupposes that believers will assemble together for the Lord’s Supper and that women will be present in the assembly with their heads covered.

Ephesians 4:11f says that the Lord gave apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers for the perfecting of the saints, so the saints can do the work of the ministry. This presupposes that the saints will be in fellowship, where they can be brought to maturity and equipped for ministry work by these leaders.

1 Thessalonians 5:12 says “And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labor among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake.” This presupposes that someone in the body will be over you in the Lord and admonishing you.

Paul gave instructions in 1 Timothy chapters 2 and 3 and in Titus for church order, and listed qualifications for elders and deacons. This presupposes that believers will be assembling together for fellowship in congregations that have elders and deacons who lead and run the congregation.

1 Timothy 5:17 says to let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the Word and teaching. This presupposes that elders will be ruling and teaching you, and that they will be financially compensated for their work.

Hebrews 13:17 says “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account.” This presupposes that someone will have the rule over you and will be watching out for your soul. Or, if you are a leader, you will be over others and watching out for their souls.

James 2:2-4 gives instructions about fair, impartial treatment of people who come into your assembly (literally “synagogue”). This presupposes that you will assemble in a Messianic synagogue and that visitors might show up.

1 Peter 2:5 says that believers are living stones being built together into a spiritual house. This presupposes that you will be joined together with other believers in a local assembly.

1 Peter chapter 5 tells elders to feed the flock, and to not lord it over the flock, and to be examples to the flock. This presupposes that there will be a flock under the leadership of elders. And when 1 Peter 5:5 says “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder,” this presupposes that some people in the assembly will be elders and others will not.

2 Peter 1:20 says “Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.” This presupposes that your study of the Scriptures will not be limited to just your own personal, independent study only, but will also include study with members of a community, to avoid private interpretations of the Scriptures.

1 John and 2 John talk about having fellowship and loving your brothers. This presupposes that you will have fellowship with brothers on a regular basis.

3 John talks about the domineering Diotrephes casting the brethren out of the church. This presupposes that the brethren were in the church before Diotrephes cast them out.

Jude 12 says that false prophets are “spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you.” This presupposes that the believers gathered together for feasts of charity.

In Revelation, Yeshua told John to write to the seven churches in Asia. This presupposes that the believers were in churches, and were not just a bunch of unconnected, isolated individuals out there on their own.

All these presuppositions, and others that could be listed, clearly demonstrate that the biblical norm for followers of Yeshua is fellowship with other believers.

Fellowship includes assembling regularly with others for Sabbath, new moon, and the annual holy days. However, fellowship is not limited to just these times. Informal fellowship is also fellowship. Hanging out and visiting with brothers and sisters at an informal gathering can be fellowship. However, to be true biblical fellowship, the Lord needs to be included in that gathering. Talking about things like sports, movies, computers, work, or other mundane things is not sinful, but it is not true biblical fellowship. John says “truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Yeshua Messiah” (1 John 1:3). For true biblical fellowship to take place, the Lord needs to be included in conversations at informal gatherings.

Faithful Stewardship of Our Time

Developing and maintaining our relationship with the Lord and our relationships with people requires time. We each have 24 hours a day. Some of those hours need to be used for mundane things like working, paying bills, running errands, maintaining our property, eating, relaxing, and sleeping. This leaves a limited amount of time for fellowship with the Lord and with people. Of course it is possible to pray and have fellowship while doing some of those mundane things.

It is important for each individual to determine the amount of time he should devote to each area of relationships. We need to spend time with the Lord in prayer and Bible reading. We need to spend time with our family. We need to spend time in fellowship with brothers and sisters. We need to spend time doing works of ministry to reach out.

How to distribute our time in each of these areas will not be the same for everyone. A person with a lot of free time might spend more time in prayer and Bible study than other people do. People with a large family will probably spend more time with their family than people with a small family or no family. People with lots of free time will probably spend more time in fellowship and doing works of ministry than people with much less free time.

An individual’s gifting and calling will also help determine how much time to devote to each area. A man called to be a teacher will probably spend more time studying and less time reaching out to the lost; a man called to be an evangelist will probably spend more time reaching out to the lost and less time studying.

Ministering to people in the heavenly Father’s vineyard is very important, whether we are ministering to the lost or to the saved. But as important as ministering to people is, we must be careful not to spend so much time ministering to others in the vineyard that we neglect our own vineyard, i.e., our own relationship with the Lord.

Sometimes people get angry at a pastor and pressure him to spend more time ministering to people’s needs. Of course a pastor should spend time ministering to the needs of others. But if the pastor has no time to maintain his own vineyard, his own personal relationship with the Lord, the whole body will suffer. This truth is eloquently expressed in the words of the Bride in the Song of Solomon: “my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (Song 1:6).

For this reason, I urge all believers, especially pastors, to always maintain your own vineyard. If you do not have a healthy, vibrant relationship with the Lord, you will not be properly equipped to effectively minister to others. Furthermore, your vineyard will become like the neglected vineyard that Solomon described:

“I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that traveleth; and thy want as an armed man” (Prov. 24:30ff).

Solomon received instruction by carefully considering this vineyard, and so can we. In Yeshua’s Parable of the Sower, the thorns that choked the plants were the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches (Matt. 13:22). In Isaiah’s description of a similar vineyard, the broken-down wall resulted in the vineyard being trodden down and laid waste (Isa. 5:5f). Whether the neglect is due to laziness or to spending too much time trying to help others, that is what will happen if we do not dress and keep our own vineyard.

Therefore I urge all believers, especially pastors, to not neglect your own vineyard. May you never have to say, “They made me the keeper of the vineyards of others; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.” But don’t use that as an excuse to never minister to the legitimate needs of others.

To those who have a family, I urge you to have your family in order: the wife submitted to the husband as unto the Lord; the husband loving the wife as Messiah loved the church; children obedient to parents. (See Ephesians chapters 5 and 6.)

Family time is important. On the one hand, we do not want to use our family as an excuse to neglect the kingdom work God has called us to do. Family is important, but it is not more important than the kingdom. “He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he that loveth son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matt. 10:37). There is a way to balance family time and kingdom work. I urge you to find that balance so you do not neglect either.

To all believers, I urge you to abandon the hyper-independent “Me and Jesus” mentality that was celebrated in a country song of that title many years ago. I urge you to aim for the biblical norm of fellowship with believers on a regular basis. Don’t be satisfied with just going to a meeting once or twice a week and looking at the backs of people’s heads. Look for opportunities to have more frequent fellowship. Invite people to your home. If you can’t afford to feed them a meal, or if you are a terrible cook, serve them a snack and a drink. If you feel awkward and embarrassed by having people in your home, get together at a park or restaurant. If you live in central Illinois, come and hang out at the Gates of Eden Messianic Outreach Center, where you can have fellowship over a cup of tea or coffee.

Hebrews 3:13 says to “exhort one another daily, while it is called Today.” Today is still called “Today,” so it sounds like we are still expected to exhort one another daily. Limiting your fellowship to just attending a meeting once or twice a week makes it difficult to exhort brothers and sisters daily. Of course you can do it by talking on the phone, writing letters, sending emails, or posting stuff on Facebook. But somehow I don’t think that is what the Lord had in mind when He inspired the writer of Hebrews to tell us to exhort one another daily. I think what the Lord had in mind was in-person, face to face fellowship with brothers and sisters.

So get in fellowship, even if you have to sell your home and move someplace else where there is a healthy, stable congregation.

Finally, I urge all believers to abandon the spectator mentality when you have fellowship and when you are out among lost sinners. You are not called to be a spectator; you are called to be a servant. The Lord expects you to do something for the kingdom. You are called to somehow be involved in edifying the saved and evangelizing the lost.

“How is it then, brethren? When ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all thing be done unto edifying” (1 Cor. 14:26).

Every one of you can contribute something for the edifying of the body. Don’t expect all the work to be done by apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. According to Ephesians 4:11f, their job is to equip you so that you can do the work of the ministry. Therefore commit yourself to a local body of believers, establish relationships, and let the leaders help equip you to do the work of the ministry. Then get to work!

| DB